Koooool !!

oLike any one, I have different definitions of  Koool  which keep changing with age and environment ..
I remember when I was school boy, for me being Kool means bringing sandwitches or italian food in school tiffins [At that time there was no Pizza hut :)] or having full collection of WWF or cricket's trump cards or moving around in school suits or hanging around Chanakya cinemas’s Nirulas or different places in Delhi with gang or getting in good college. Also everyone has different definitions like some want to become monitor or prefect was a Kool stuff but for me it was so unKool .. Takes away my freedom :).
In college , Being Kool means having different mobile sets [ mobile set came around that time only ] or having broadband at home [ It was also new at that time ] or coming to college in car or bikes [ CBZ and pulsar :) ] or getting dressed up in brands of UCB / Reebok / Nike or knowing all english songs or having great accent or watching friends [ Ha Ha Ha] or watching english movies on desktop  or listing Rock or having new gizmos or landing up in good company or cracking CAT / GRE was kool .
Later in Job... Being Kool means getting cabin or getting out of turn promotions or good rewards or rating or ... hoping around good companies or starting up a  successful start ups or having a great friend circle or going out for lunch or watching different movies in halls or having interesting stuff to tell what you did on weekend or going to foreign locations for holidays or buying SUV / sedan or trying different eating  or attending some concerts or  partying around or having really expensive gizmos as they launched became definition of Koool [ Ha Ha Ha ] ...
May be later .. Being Kool may be being well settled in family and professional life .. God Knows :)
As time goes on, we can see definition is changing.... I think most of these things are quite materialistic....
In my life, whether school or college or job, I saw many people show above things of being Kool ... but i saw them collapsing when they could not get admission in good college or good company or their friends / family left them or they failed in job interviews or missed some promotions or struck in same stuff for long or IN SHORT ... when things are not going according to their plans.... I know.. Getting depressed on failures quite natural .. What unKool is when you just make mountain out of molehills on initial blows and start living in pain ..
I think being Koool means how you behave when things are not going well... how you keep your brain at ease when things are not going according .. How you talk with others sensibly when you have lot of other problems going in your mind... or how is your emotional level when you loose something very important..or how is your decision  making when road ahead is blocked or you moved too far away and lost...or how you are nice but still don’t allow anyone to take use of you .. or how you take decisions when things are ambiguous . Being Koool does not mean only stop worry but also to find solution of the problem without losing calm of yours and surroundings...
No doubt, age (experience) has big role in being real Kool .. Through out of my life , In my peer group ,  found three people ( one from college and two from office)whom i will say Kool because they showed how Kool they were when things were really not favorable ..
I will avoid quoting the names.. I just asked one my Koooolest friend when he was facing one of his big problem..  Dude .. How can be so calm and compose when you are against this hell [issue]
He gave me some tips:-
1. Think whether it will be issue in next 5 years: - When something worry you too much ask this question.. This will help in weeding out stuff which is not worthy to worry about. [I am trying this ... Not an easy stuff to put in habit]
2. Have a life: - Think about stuff which really excites you... Don’t think how its face value in external world. It could be blogging, sketching, playing guitar , working out in gym, reading or even  gossiping
Some other things i liked [from other source]
3. Don't take yourself  (or things) so serious [ source : Fountain Head] :  It will certainly remove the stress .Life will be more fun ... Don’t think world moves around you or think too much what world will say about your actions [ Believe me people have short memory and no one has time to think about you except you are a manager :) ]
4. Live in the present [Famous Sunscreen song]: Most of the problems we think.. never happens ... Baz Luhrmann's SunScreen explains it best "Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday."
Not easy tips J .. Its very hard to change ….. J but not impossible.
At the end we all want to be Koool .. We all want to enjoy the life .. May be the definitions be different ..may be path to reach it be different .. But if we want it .. we have to work for it .. As nothing comes for free ….

Failure....

In interviewer training , presenter asked why many companies prefer experienced employees than freshers . There were many valid answers but one of the most convincing answer to me -- " More experience means person might have faced more failures and thus underlying expectation that those same mistakes might  not be repeated "

Failure is natural part of the learning process ... When we were kid , we fell many time while learning walking   .. We failed many times in learning any new skill  , starting  from learning basic algebra  to learning cycling ... But as we grow on as Adult ...Unfortunately , Society associates shame with any type of failure ...This forces many people to follow the prescribed path with less risk  , as opposed to taking risk of path less traveled as it may cause disappointment.

Failure means that you are taking new challenges and expanding your skills ... Failure means you are trying to learn new things ... Failure means you tried to do something which you believed on even if  it is not common path ..Remember ,,, graph of most of successful careers are not a straight line but a wave with ups and downs.....e.g Steve Jobs.  Even if I go by probability , for more number of success there should be similar number of failures..... So risk of  failure will always be there for any new thing or working for dreams. In fact , failures can serve as incredible opportunities in disguise... It force us to reevaluate our goals and priorities , and ofter propel us forward much faster than continued success .So failure should not be considered as bad .. In case , one meet with some one from silicon valley  , people took pride to tell they were part of start up which failed..

Bad thing which failure can cause to person is that he start to linger on it ... "Successful" failure requires sometime quitting ... Quitting is considered as sign of weakness , although sometimes , quitting is the bravest alternative , because it requires you to face your failures and announce them publicly . It tells that you control the situation and can leave whenever you like. It gives a chance to start from a clean slate and if you introspect then quitting can be an invaluable experience.

One of the biggest dilemma I face is when to quit . There is no fixed answer for this .. But one need to listen his gut feeling , be honest with self  and keep analyzing the situation at regular intervals of time  .... It is always easier to quit at the beginning than at the end because at end we think too much is invested and thus too hard to quit....  Remember there are sometimes situations which are never going to work out , no matter how much time , efforts and money you invest .. Regular checks may help to find these deadlocks @ early stage and one can quit early........ Quitting is always haaaard :-(

Coming back to failure .... Failing is nooooot a fun but there is no harm to try for the things which you believe in and failing  rather than not trying them and repenting later just because you fear failures ..

Death is the ultimate failure which every one will face .. So why we fear other little failures ?

Hope.....Dangerous or Good ?

Today, I Just happened to talk with an old good friend after a long gap...Randomly "Hope" came up and passed away in discussion :) 

I believe biggest damage one can cause to other person is by smashing his hope , self respect , freedom and aspirations ... So, no doubt, I consider hope is very important .. Hope is one of the core requirements of an individual.

Hope is a double edged sword. It can make and destroy a person.

People who go for hope as bad thing say different arguments like - “One should concentrate on services rather than on hoping for results  ... Leave results on Supreme Power "  Or  "Hope opens up the risk of getting down in case hope does not full fill  " Or give examples where people had baseless hopes or screwed up their life on failing or people falling on trap of person giving false hopes.

People who go for hope as good put arguments like "It's worth to take a risk of hoping and working on it rather than doing nothing " or " Hope is guiding light for a goal " or give examples where hope acted as life-saver like in concentration camp, apart from gas chamber deaths, all those people who left hope either succumbed to death or committed suicide.

Shawshank's Redemption has beautifully shown this dilemma in some beautiful dialogue like: 

 Morgan Freeman: "Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane. It's got no use on the inside. You'd better get used to that idea. "

Tim Robbins: "Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies"

In my life , I achieved couple of significant goals when I did not care about results and hope nothing ...  Gone through pain when hope got shattered Buuut, there are couple of instances when hope inspired me to took an extra step, putting me back on the track and at end, making me a better person .. 

It is not an easy choice to make a blank statement that hope is always good or dangerous... It depends on person's attitude, situation and the moment.......

To end up this entry, I suggest, if you know your strengths and weaknesses, have the ability to read the signs, correctly and rapidly, from every direction in pursuing a hope , mature enough to accept the irony of fate, flexible enough for modification if needed, learnt not to be a gullible personality, believe the fact that failure is not the end of world and know the commitments that are needed for any hope , then you could save the trouble and the heartburn caused by shattered hopes and will set more feasible hopes . Hope will certainly act as inspiration not as blocker. 

Take slow steps ....

Everyone sometimes in their life lands up in a phase when one doesn't have any goals .. May be one has just achieved a goal or going through the pain of some loss or has not figured out passion yet ... There could be many other reasons , which is all together a different story...... But , Essence is  ... life without goal seems pointless and sometimes painful .....

If one don't know what to do  next ... If next steps are sooo unclear .. If road ahead seems so darkkk... It is better to go to the things one knows .. Look for things one might have missed . Take slow steps and finish things one by one ..Neither just sit by doing nothing  Nor jump across and pick up many things  ..... Fastest way to get out of this stage is take slow steps :)

Just finished Ayan Rand's "The Fountainhead " ... One of  the two advice by Ellsworth Toohey was " Don't be too serious about youself " .. Same as Dark Knight's Joker "Why so serious "  ... Leaving the tough part of interpretation on reader ... of course :)

I always love Baz Luhrmann's Sunscreen .. One of the line is " Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t."

So take slow steps and don't be too serious about yourself !!!

" Follow your passion " - Is it so straight forward advice ?

I love watching movies in theaters.... I love to go for movies after office's hours on week days ... For a change, I took 3 week break and visited here and there and thus missed couple of movies...  Yet to see "Avatar”... (Yup .. I know it is directed by my favorite director :-().. Any way.. , I managed to see " 3 idiots" last week with all 6 tickets and dinner sponsored by me.... 

I liked the movie ...Can see it one more time (Specially for Ladakh pics and songs ) .. It is good movie but it is hard to imagine that it has done such a grand business of 350 crore till now and is on its way for becoming all time Bollywood hit  . Movie has no special effects and shot entirely in India :)…My friend gave an analogy ..."What ever Apple launches, it shakes the world  ... Similarly, whichever movie has association with Aamir , it shakes the India... People some time become crazy for Apple and Aamir"  ...Nice analogy… Good Job Zach !! .. 

Movie has a dialogue  in which Aamir suggests his friends to "FOLLOW YOUR  PASSION"  ...   I have heard this advice many time and given to couple of people ... I guess  same case with most of readers ...( This guess work reminds me to see latest movie Sherlock Holmes also :-) ) .. Giving this advice to someone who is struggling to find what to do with his life is easy... However, this advice is too simplistic and misleading... ......Hey ... Wait ... I am huge fan of passion and believe passion is internal force to drive one... But Passion is certainly not enough to start a career. 

Passions are just a starting point ... One must also know about one’s talent and how external world values them.....  One may have passion for something but one may not be good at it. So it may turn out a bad decision to choose that passion as profession.... e.g. Big B may sing in couple of movies but he will never take singing as profession and leave out acting...

Taking this it one step further, one may have passion for something and also has developed skill set for that passion ...but that passion does not have returns. This return could be in terms of money, recognizability or keeping one and loved one happy ....Pursing career in that passion with no returns can be frustrating in long run...

I have an example ... In my school; I got a class mate whose father was skillful painter. I used to visit my friend's home and his father used to give me sketching tips. My friend's father had a passion for his work but I could feel tension in his home for economic reasons and later he started becoming uninterested ... Certainly, market for paintings was small and he was paying price for choosing wrong career …

So, one need to decide whether one should pursue one’s passion as CAREER or as HOBBY..... 

One need to look for intersection point where one’s passion, talent and market meets..... If one is able to found that sweet point then one will not believe that people pay one for  job :) ..  Job will not be only a financial resource but also a place where one like to go next day  ...All hard work in job will be internally driven rather than externally driven .......  Finding this intersection point is not easy and requires keep experimenting....  trying lot of different alternatives and ready to read the messages from the world and inner self.........

Flashback

Flashback :
a : interruption of chronological sequence (as in a film or literary work) by interjection of events of earlier occurrence; also : an instance of flashback
b : a past incident recurring vividly in the mind (Merriam - Webster Dictionary)

I was looking my favorite movies in orkut and found most of them have kind of flash back sequence .. Say for example : Rocky series , Titanic , Lakshaya , Forrest Gump , Kill Bill , Terminator - 2 and Hang Over .. I am sure there are thousands of hit movies which are flash back based ... Dude : Does any of your fav movie has flash back :) ?

Even there are popular TV series which use Flashback technique like " How I met your mother " ( my fav :) ) , Lost and PrisonBreak ..

Many Top Best sellers authors use Flashback in their novels ...

Even our academicians has put a subject called "History" in our curriculum which is a nice subject provided that taught well and no need to cram those dates :) . History should be taught as story book ...Grrrr... Changing the topic:)

All above are examples of flasback used in art .. Art is mirror which shows what society want to see.... So , most of us like flashback ..

Everyone of us possess mental VCR ( Blu Ray Player ..Latest gizmo:) )that we use to analyze past events . Analyzing the past events are good to take further actions on whatever happened or resolving to act different in the future or to have some sweet / sour feeling of nostalgia for couple of minutes and then close the VCR. Flashback is good but problem comes when we plugged in this VCR for 24*7 :) . We keep looking our past success or failures , We rewind the tape and replay the scenes from different angles , either back patting ourself or kicking ourself on our past success or failure ... In 24*7 flashback , for success , we think those were the days and for failures , we think what we would have done that way and now it is too late .. For both ways ,We somehow lament :) Ha Ha Ha .. I just remember famous Baz Luhrmann 's sunscreen famous advice - Neither congratulate nor Berate yourself too much as all of them were our half choice ..

Dude .. You can only see movie or see a picture or read a book for a certain time .. not 24*7 :) Give some work for news channels dude :) Any way .. If Hindu philosphy is correct .. we all are going to have a big life flasback on death bed .. So wait for final show :)

Loyalty

Last week , I was in my home city for vacations . I met my old secondary school friends after 13 years ( courtesy Orkut :) ) . Group was quite diverse . It has captain in Indian Army , bouncer in Taj hotel , Delhi business man , Call center manager , Software Eng and Sales Manager. Somehow , loyalty came up in discussion .. For every one loyalty brings different examples .. For one it was loyalty to country , duty and seniors /peers / subordinates OR how less you change your partner on dance floor OR loyal to customer / distributors OR loyal to Adidas and Pizzahut OR loyal to promises and friends OR loyal to targets and anything else doesn't matter.

One term "loyalty" brings "different" picture to different people .. Opinions were looking influenced by profession and environment .. I found it quite interesting ..

We ended this filler discussion in few mins with rapid conclusion that loyalty is always good . Why ? Look we managed to remember each other and had a good time in this get together.. :)

Is loyalty ALWAYS good ?

Loyalty is a quality which every one should strive to develop .. Loyalty brings trust and stability in relationship . Loyalty builds up the character . Loyalty to ideas helps in decision making . Loyalty to nation brings security . Loyalty to institution gives direction , faith and motivation to work effectively. Loyalty to words earns respect . No doubt , Loyalty is virtue to have .

Sometimes , we overdo the loyalty which is not correct .. for example ... Over extended Loyalty to partner may lead to silent approval of all abusive treatments and demands by other partner . Misguided loyalty to friends may turn into group ism and may lead to group conflicts. Misguided loyalty to certain ideas and views may bring inflexibility and disrespect to other views and new ideas . Excessive patriotism sometimes cross the fence less border of jingoism . Blinded loyalty to institution may lead to opportunity discrimination and adopting unfair means in favor of institute or its people affecting other people . Institute and people may start taking undue advantage of one's loyalty and start taking for granted..

To summarize , Loyalty is important . It brings TRUST . But loyalty should not be exaggerated too much or misguided . One should be smart enough to understand when unfair advantage is being taken of one loyalty or one's loyalty is crossing the boundary lines and causing injustice to others

Dimishing People contact as We grow on

I am in bombay with my niece and nephews . We are moving around in bombay and having fun . In this visit , I met couple of people from different walk of life . For example , I met guy travelling in local train to guy who has his own personal boat .

One of thing I realized that I always loved to met with different people and interact with them . In due course of life , I shifted to Hyderabad and somehow stopped doing so ( May be because I could not get opportunity / or could not make out opportunity :)) .

Generally , I have been a well known guy whether it is school or college or company with lot of friends . When i joined Microsoft , I was among the one of most popular guy in group for whole 2-3 years ( What a big deal ..That is what college hires popular for :) ) . I have a nice ability to mold my discussion according to the group and always avoid to aligned to a group ( Non Aligned movement follower :D ) . But down the line , I became concentrated to a fixed set of friends in my company / college. I am not saying whether it is good or bad .. I am just telling about an observation.

Why this happened ?
Is it because we became more and more rigid in our views as we grow on ? Is it because we became more serious about ourselves and our likings / disliking /status ? We dont want to come out our comfort zone or make imaginary class around ourselves and other and became a part of a particular class ?

Meeting new people always give you opportunity to see life in other point of views . It gives you opportunity to find out good and bad things . It makes life less serious . Best thing is it gives an opportunity to increase your friend circle and comfort zone.

Good thing is that I understood that I love to meet with different people ( preferably from different profession ) . I will try my best to meet at least 2 new people in a month . I think this is good start . If it works fine then i may continue it further .

Who defines our goals ?

24 Dec : I got call from my dad at 6 AM . On same day , I got a call from my college at 1 AM night . Topic was same :) but context was different .

Who defines our goal ? Is it society or self ?

Looking from the start .. In childhood , Parents defines us what is good or bad . They set up different goals for us . In school , Our goals are getting marks in unit tests or performing in some school activity . All driven by teachers or colleagues . In 12 th , getting into good college becomes the goal .. When we land up in some college then either getting into higher eduction or good job becomes goal .. After getting into job or completing higher education .. Life seems to have no goal for a while .. At that time , most of us decide to settle down :-) . And after getting married , there comes lot of life long goals which never finish .

Are not all these goals are society driven ?.. if they are not then how could maximum of people choose the same trend .. How can there be so commonality in this trend when there are so many different personality .. Sounds interesting ??

Only few people choose to take path less travelled . What makes them to do so ?

Lets play a little game

Make a guess of your age when you will be no more ( Yuk !! Are we playing a game :-) ?)
Make a line with the length proportional to above age. Now mark a point in the line based on your current age . Just see :-)

When i did it , i saw a big % of life is gone .. Only small % is left between current and old age ....

All my assumption of being immortal went away ... I never thought that i will pass away one day and that one day is not very far away ...:-)

Many things came to my mind like Life is so short ... Lot of things to be done .. Also , It is so sad I have not contributed to society .. Another thing came to my mind is that why to worry on small and small things when so less time is left.... What matters most is present ...

Commitments

Commitments are very important ... Couple of times we AVOID to take up commitments .. What could be the reasons for not picking up the commitments ... I think reasons should more and less following :-

1. Fear of loosing the freedom : We think if we stick to some commitments then we have to stick up with some rule books , need to become more disciplined and become questionable . This will take away freedom

2. Fear of failure : People think that picking more commitments raised the risk of more failure .

3. Unaware of strengths and weakness : Unaware of our strength and weakness makes us resistant to pick up new commitments.

But I think , to get rid of all above points , one should pick up commitments :-) . Seriously :-) . Let me put my point..

1. Freedom : I believe more the commitments we pick up , more important role we have in society which makes us more powerful and options in hand. Mostly , All powerful people are have more freedom quotient ...

2. Failure : Most of times , commitment is not so difficult as we initially thought of .. We are fear of starting ( failing) ...In case , we pick up a commitment and even we got failed ... We will get chance to know our shortcomings and this will give more strength and experience . All this add ons will certainly help in making decisions for new commitments to successfully handle them.

3. Strengths and Weakness : Commitments give us hand on experience to know our strengths and weakness.

So , Very fear that prevent us to pick up commitments , can only be get rid of by picking more commitments !!

Jo Beet gayi so baat gayi-Harivansh Rai Bachchan

One of my friend left the company. He is one of the super talented guy I have met . Currently , he landed up in a company which is not so great . He was in very low confidence condition. He came to city and met old gang. This guy became so emotional to meet old folks . He knew we will not met more often , we will not talk more often . His all emotions came out when he got to know one of the person in gang is leaving India. I never saw him so low ……so helpless……... so restless …….

I reminded a poem , read in school, which i quoted that time. This is lovely poem by Harivansh Rai Bachan ..


जीवन में एक सितारा था
माना वह बेहद प्यारा था
वह डूब गया तो डूब गया
अंबर के आंगन को देखो
कितने इसके तारे टूटे
कितने इसके प्यारे छूटे
जो छूट गए फ़िर कहाँ मिले
पर बोलो टूटे तारों पर
कब अंबर शोक मनाता है
जो बीत गई सो बात गई


जीवन में वह था एक कुसुम
थे उस पर नित्य निछावर तुम
वह सूख गया तो सूख गया
मधुबन की छाती को देखो
सूखी कितनी इसकी कलियाँ
मुरझाईं कितनी वल्लरियाँ
जो मुरझाईं फ़िर कहाँ खिलीं
पर बोलो सूखे फूलों पर
कब मधुबन शोर मचाता है
जो बीत गई सो बात गई

जीवन में मधु का प्याला था
तुमने तन मन दे डाला था
वह टूट गया तो टूट गया
मदिरालय का आंगन देखो
कितने प्याले हिल जाते हैं
गिर मिट्टी में मिल जाते हैं
जो गिरते हैं कब उठते हैं
पर बोलो टूटे प्यालों पर
कब मदिरालय पछताता है
जो बीत गई सो बात गई


मृदु मिट्टी के बने हुए हैं
मधु घट फूटा ही करते हैं
लघु जीवन ले कर आए हैं
प्याले टूटा ही करते हैं
फ़िर भी मदिरालय के अन्दर
मधु के घट हैं,मधु प्याले हैं
जो मादकता के मारे हैं
वे मधु लूटा ही करते हैं
वह कच्चा पीने वाला है
जिसकी ममता घट प्यालों पर
जो सच्चे मधु से जला हुआ
कब रोता है चिल्लाता है
जो बीत गई सो बात गई

- हरिवंशराय बच्चन

Pillars of strong relationship

There are so variety of relationships like couple relationship , parents - children relationship , office relationship , lovers relationships , friends relationship etc ..

All relationships are different in some way .. But there should be commonality also

Just thinking what should be the common pillars of strong relationship which are applicable for all ..

1. Give and Take : Every strong relationship is based on give and take . This gave and take can be money / emotions / time / hope / security / pleasures etc .. Whenever , there is some imbalance of give and take whole boat of relationship starts shaking ... So keep convection current of give and take ON for safe sailing :-)

2. Common Goal : Strong relationship go for a common goal . For couple , this common goal could be making a flat or working for child's future .. so for love birds common goal could be settle down .. This goals could vary people to people but there should be a BIG goal common for all parties involved in relationship . It is worth effort to search for common big goal if it is not there. Big common goal acts as cement to fight against any earth quakes .

3. Commitment : Commitment is key for strong relationship . Commitment should not be dropped off just by mood swings :-) ... What if some family's bread earner says he would not go for work as no mood ... Make out the commitment and stick to it.

4. Space : Give some space to all parties . Your happiness and sorrowness should not be directly related to other people and don't EXPECT vice versa also . Be less possessive....Show respect to person and it views ..

There could be many more ... But I could only find these at this time :)

So whenever , any one of the pillar start shaking then it either action time or run time ... But don't waste time just sitting , doing nothing and assuming things will be fine :-) Time never comes back.. :-)